When did you last see your Father?

Mary McEvoy attended a fascinating talk given to members of the Hertfordshire Family Forum on 26th November by Dr. Ian Kirkland Weir, a consultant Child and Adolescent Family Psychiatrist. The title of Dr. Weir’s talk was ‘When did you last see your Father?’ and was on the subject of apparently intractable contact disputes; Dr. Weir has acted as an expert witness in many such cases. Amongst the interesting statistics he produced was that in an analysis of 56 children he had worked with over a certain period of time, all of whom had absolutely refused contact with their non resident parent, 80% of those children had moved on to have an apparently mutually satisfying and happy relationship with the non resident parent.

He commented that a striking feature of these cases is their similarity; there are invariably close parallels between cases of refusal to exercise contact.

He was very critical of the recent recommendation from the Family Justice Council that young people should participate more fully in the court process by for example writing to the Judge or even seeing him. He also felt that in such cases of apparently extreme breakdown of relationship that it was misleading for those involved in the court process, the CAFCASS officers, lawyers and judges, to simply rely on the child’s wishes and feelings.

He explained that in such cases, children often make allegations about their parents which are not credible; children can feel unable to express their view or may even be unable to form their own view of a matter so their expressed wishes and feelings may be misleading.

A child may express the view that s/he does not wish to see their parent; this view may reflect a negative view of the non resident parent by the parent with day to day care which may be reinforced by that parent’s immediate circle of family and friends. Sometimes other professionals are also enlisted by the resident parent who may for example tell a GP or school that the child suffers from stomach cramps, headaches or bedwetting prior to visits with the other parent.

Dr. Weir had analysed about 56 cases which he had advised on over a particular period of time and found that in approximately 80% contact had been successfully reinstated, sometimes in a matter of minutes after the first meeting for many months or years. In some of the remaining cases contact had also been reinstated; (the imprecision here is Mary’s not Dr. Weir’s).

The meeting was very well attended by local judges and magistrates, CAFCASS officers, members of the medical profession, solicitors, barristers, FILEX, members of the Law faculty, social workers and others who work with families and children in the area.

There was an opportunity to ask questions and Mary asked Dr. Weir whether in very protracted and bitter cases, where the non-resident parent often reaches a point at which they fear that their ongoing efforts to exercise contact are becoming abusive to the child, it is right for that parent to withdraw from the proceedings. Dr. Weir responded that the lack of contact with a parent and with his or her side of the child’s family is also abusive and that retaining a relationship with a parent is a very important part of the development of a child’s personality. A CAFCASS manager reassured the meeting that CAFCASS do not operate a crude analysis of wishes and feelings; certainly in Mary’s experience that is the case in the local courts where CAFCASS are very alert to the concerns outlined by Dr. Weir; indeed in Mary’s last three cases on apparently intractable contact disputes, the outcome has been excellent for the children and non-resident parents involved, in considerable part due to the tenacity and professionalism of the local CAFCASS officers.